I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
