As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
