Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
