That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
