All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
