KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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