So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
