and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Randomize
