All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
