She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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