do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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