How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize