Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
