I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
