dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
