If that was your dad, he is hot
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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