Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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