Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
