YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's get the cat blown out
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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