Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
