he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
