what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
