You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
