Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Everclear isn't food dammit
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
