I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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