Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
