so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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