3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
nutella sex= disaster
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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