peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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