its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
