Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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