I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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