i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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