All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
