we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
