just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize