so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
