If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
