he shaved USA in his pubs
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize