Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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