4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
