were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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