I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
