Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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