Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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