The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
