This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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