good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
