I'm lost and stupid without you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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