Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
