Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
