I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
