Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
