i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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