Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
