i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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