I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
