Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
