You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
