The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Blood and glitter go together right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
