"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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