It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
