I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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