Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
