He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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